Before I began playing the Depression Quest by Zoe Quinn, Patrick Lindsey, and Isaac Schankler, I wanted to make an observation based on the name and synopsis of the experience. The title of this experience is very direct, and is most likely about the journey of an individual who has depression. In general, the topic of this experience is about depression. The synopsis elucidates that this experience is exactly what I detailed; it also mentions that since this is not a lighthearted experience, any individual should stop at any point and get help if one feels overwhelmed. I appreciate the preface and how a game or other form of medium can educate others about a distressing topic such as depression. Additionally, I respect that the experience provides a link to The National Suicide Prevention Hotline should anyone need it at any point.
I began the experience and I went on a rollercoaster of emotions. I enjoy how each page allows the user to gain more information about any topic. To elaborate, I wanted to know who Alex was and the blue text signified that I could learn more about Alex. Throughout my time with this experience, I made a lot of connections from the protagonist to myself and individuals I know. Some of these tendencies that the protagonist goes through was what I went through in middle school and a bit of high school. I’m glad that some of the information about the protagonist was vague to allow the user to insert themselves into the experience.
Since I was taught at various points of my life about depression, I was able to identify the signs that the protagonist was depressed or has depression. One of the biggest signs is when an individual loses interest in a hobby that they were very passionate about. Besides that one, there were a multitude of other identifiers that indicate that the protagonist was struggling. Furthermore, I appreciate that the static box with text elaborated on the protagonist’s mental state. The amount of information allows the user to understand what the protagonist is feeling. I knew that some of the choices given were directly related to the protagonist and how a depressed person would do in any given situation, but I hoped that my choices would guide them away from sorrow in some way. I empathize with the protagonist’s situation very much. Some choices were what I would’ve done in that situation, and I hoped my decision would guide them away from wallowing in misery. Although always one of the options was red and crossed off, I knew that I wouldn’t have chosen that option anyways. That option is never available to those suffering from depression. I recognized that their lack of motivation would never allow that option.
One of the situations that resonated with me the most was when the protagonist needed to get work done. When I began this semester, I had a tough time developing a schedule. I know that I have great time management skills, but something happened this semester to reduce my productivity by a large margin. My attention span lowered, I was going from one task to another rapidly, and I was experiencing “brain fog.” For a bit of time, I felt like I was spiraling out of control and I didn’t know what to do or what happened.
I chose what I did for myself: force myself to complete the assignment or as much as I could do. The protagonist wasn’t able to do much, and was distracted by everything. I completely understood what the protagonist was going through. The beginning of this semester, it took me hours to complete one task because of my brain fog. I used to be highly productive and finished tasks quite easily. Then, I had problems and could feel myself slipping away and I also believed I was a failure. But, things got better for me. If this was me in middle school, I would've given up. Now I know better and knew that the protagonist's life would also be better. I was prepared to help the protagonist as much as I could so that they could also be happy.
There were a plethora of moments that I loved and appreciated the craft of. My first "obstacle" that I encountered was whether or not the protagonist should have a kitten. I love cats so much. I spent more than 15 minutes debating whether or not a cat should be included in the protagonist's life. I'm not the protagonist, and I questioned whether or not I should think like the protagonist or insert myself into the story. I'm sure I'm supposed to be the protagonist, but I couldn't help but dissociate myself from him. Should I be logical? How strong is their depression? A depressed individual may not be in the right mindset to take care of another living creature since they already struggle with taking care of themselves. We were given information that the protagonist has trouble leaving the bed, their home may be in disarray, and so on. It's difficult to say if the protagonist has enough stability to take care of the kitten. Would the kitten be okay? If the protagonist got a kitten, would the environment be safe for the kitten? Will the kitten be fed? I was so concerned for the little bean's well-being, even if this experience isn't "real" in the sense of currently "real people." Anyways, I struggled making a decision.
I didn't know the nature of this experience, and I was having a moral dilemma. I should make sure the kitten isn't placed in a horrible environment, and I shouldn't make a mentally unstable person take care of an animal. I decided that animals can help a person with depression, and allowed the protagonist to have the kitten. I hoped that I didn't regret my decision, and I didn't! In the end, the kitten helped the protagonist. I'm proud to have found meaning in life and support for the protagonist!
At the beginning, the user feels like every option is "wrong." I tried to prioritize the protagonist's well-being and boundaries, but it led to an outcome that I didn't like. Then I chose to priortize other individuals, and the outcome sometimes also wasn't what I wanted. But, now I realize that there will always be ups and downs. You will try to do the best you can do in a given situation, and sometimes it'll go wrong anyways. That's okay. When I saw the protagonist spiral down in negativity, I felt helpless. I couldn't do anything, but hope for the best. Suddenly, the experience turned around and I began to feel hopeful again. The first step in combating depression is knowing that something is wrong. When Amanda came, I took that opportunity to make the protagonist realize that something's wrong. Before that, the protagonist didn't know that what they were feeling was depression. I was so happy. Even if everything seems overwhelming, it's better to take steps forward towards acceptance. The protagonist felt like they took so many steps backward, but they also took numerous steps forward. They made progress, and I appreciate them for trying. They got therapy and took antidepressants! Although I was the reason why they made those choices, I'm glad that they realize that it's helping them with their negative feedback loop.
I felt like a proud mom the whole time. When I noticed the static grey changing at the bottom, I was ecstatic! The protagonist was making progress with various parts of their life. They even realized that they were no longer in a negative feedback loop, and that they had support from various sources. They had their passions again, and that it's okay to step out of your comfort zone. Sometimes an individual overthinks things, and it was shown through the protagonist at many points. There were obvious shifts in the experience, and I enjoyed going through this journey. I love the little details such as the crossed out text, the text in the static grey box, and even the images. I was curious about the phone number as well, since it looked like a real number. I wasn't going to call it, but I wondered who would pick up. Though there were some grammatical errors, the experience was wonderful. Depression is a journey/adventure, and an individual has to make choices that don't create a linear path. Every option branches out, and there are twists and turns. I appreciate this experience so much.
One thing that I wished I paid attention to more related to the images. I didn't really look at the images every time I went to another section. I wonder if I could get a page that had 3 polaroids filled out rather than one. I'm considering replaying the experience again or googling it to find out. On another note, I'm proud of all the decisions I made. Every time there was a shift, I had to think more critically. I observed the choices that were crossed out, how more options became available, and the context clues in each scenario. Some choices were unavailable because it was "too active" or there was a change of thought. One that stood out to me was when only one option was available, and the crossed-off options related to depressive thoughts. The protagonist didn't want to choose the depressive options, and I was elated by their revelation. Of course, I'm proud that I gave the protagonist a kitten. Though, the kitten was more for my sanity than the protagonist's. I was happy that I seemed to make more "correct" decisions as well.
When prompted to contact mom, Alex, or Malcom, I had to think critically about who would be the best decision. Mom was definitely off the table; her past history with the protagonist and his troubles indicate that she can't sympathize or empathize with the protagonist's situation. Therefore, she can't help the protagonist in any way and may dampen their mood. Malcom may be a viable option, but I wasn't quite sure. Malcom seems like a nice older brother, but the protagonist's resentment toward's his success may not allow the two to connect together. However, Malcom might have had experience with depression in the past and could help the protagonist. I'm a family-oriented person, so I may have a biased perspective. Even so, I don't think Malcom and the protagonist are as close as my siblings and I. Thus, the only option left is Alex. The protagonist's girlfriend had said that she's willing to help him and has been making an active effort to get information about the situation. Although she doesn't know that the protagonist has depression, her concern for him makes her the better option. Also, relationships take effort. And, both are willing to put in the effort! Alex shows that she loves the protagonist and that they need support. With getting therapy and taking medication, the protagonist is fighting depression effectively with the support of others. Side note, I'm glad that I didn't choose mom for any of the options. She showed in the scenarios that she could never understand the protagonist's struggles in a way that helps them.
The second time I had the option of contacting someone, I was grateful that I gave the protagonist a cat. I don't believe that one should rely on the same person for everything. I wanted to choose Alex but since I chose her last time, I didn't want to choose her again. Like I previously mentioned, animals can help with a person's well-being. So, I chose the protagonist to play with their kitten. I didn't know if the protagonist neglected the kitten in any way. To reiterate, I'm so glad that there's a kitten. In the end, I am content that I got this: "While you know that your depression can never be "cured," you have a very strong support network in your friends and even Malcolm, and armed with a newfound confidence in your friends and family, you accept that though the road may be rocky, it is at very least not solitary." -Depression Quest
In relation to these readings, I enjoyed how Keeping Up Appearances was formatted. Just like appearances, people will show you one part of themselves and you have to seek out the "real" or other appearance. The page looks broken up, and the text has a specific message. However, when you scroll over the white space, more text is revealed. This reading is a wonderful interpretation of how a person is.
I strongly believe that I deserve an A on this assignment. Not only did I complete the requisites, but I put effort in other areas surrounding the assignment. Besides creating a landing page and making sure all the links are up to date, I also wrote quite a bit about the assignment. I played the Depression Quest to completion, and even replayed the game to see how much the game branched off. I struggled making certain decisions and replayed the scenario to see what the outcome was. Additionally, I commented on the readings as well. I believe that I did well above the effort required on the assignment. I also experimented with some code that I haven't really used.